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Jokes & Humor

Laugh a lot! Read joke's at our site and keep your Brain & body healthy!!! Just click, laugh and get refreshed! All new and funny jokes at aimnlife.

 

   

--MuM: Have you brought the matches home?
Son: Yes!
Mum: Are they working???
Son: Yes! I have tried up all the fire matches... It's working.
Courtesy: http://www.ttbcbd.com/jokes.html

   

--His mother had scrubbed floors to send him through college, and he felt he could
never adequately repay her. Now a successful businessman, he sent her gifts from
all over the world. While traveling in South America, he found a parrot that could
speak six languages and recite long passages from Shakespeare. He knew his mother
would love such a bird, and paid $14,000 for it.

When he got back home, he phoned his mother. "How about that bird I sent you?" he asked.
"Thank you so much," his mother said. "It was delicious."
Courtesy: http://www.jokeaday.com

   

--There were five people on a crashing air plane. Britney Spears, George W. Bush, Pavarotti, the Pope, and a boy scout. There were only four parachutes, not enough for the five important people on board, so they had to decide who would be left. President Bush said he should go first since he is the president of the greatest country in the world. So he jumps and lands safely. Then Pavarotti says that he has the greatest voice in the world so jumps and parachutes to safety. Britney Spears says she's a role model for young girls,and the smartest woman in the world so she jumps out. Then the Pope says to the little boy scout, "I am old and feeble and I don't have much longer to live...You must take the last parachute.

" The boy scout replies, "We can both take a parachute because the smartest woman
in the world took my backpack."
Courtesy: http://jokes.comedycentral.com

   
--God's Identity

One day a little boy asks his mom questions about God. He goes up to his mother and asks,
"Well, son, he''''s a boy and a girl" Not really know what to say the mother just says,
"Well, son, he''''s black and white." So he asks his mother, "Mom, is God black or white?"
Again not really knowing what to say, the mother tells her son, "Well ,son,
he''''s black and white." So the little boy looks at his mother as though he
finally understands and says, "Ohhhh, I didn''''t know that God was Michael Jackson!"
Courtesy: http://jokes.comedycentral.com
   
--There were three nuts in an asylum and they had been doing
well in their therapy, so the doctors' committee decided it was time to give them
a test, to see if they were ready to return to society.

The first nut goes in and the doctor asks him "What's two plus two?"
The nut thinks and replies "Eleven."
The doctor gives him another chance but the reply was again "Eleven."
The doctor regrets that he failed the test and calls in the second nut and asks him "What's two plus two?"
The nut thinks hard and replies "Blue."
The doctor reluctantly gives him a second chance, but the nut confidently replies "Blue."
So he calls in the third nut and asks him "What's two plus two?"
The nut shows he is thinking and replies "Four."
Ecstatic the doctor congratulates him and asks him to tell him how he got the right answer.
And the nut explains "Well, it's simple. Two times two is eleven, divide by blue makes four."
Courtesy: http://www.randomjoke.com

   

--A lady was walking down the street to work and she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store.
The parrot said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." Well, the lady is furious! She stormed past the store to her work. On the way home she saw the same parrot and it said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly. " She was incredibly ticked now.
The next day the same parrot again said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." The lady was so ticked that she went into the store and said that she would sue the store and kill the bird. The store manager replied profusely and promised he
would make sure the parrot didn't say it again.

When the lady walked past the store that day after work the parrot called to her, "Hey lady."
She paused and said,"Yes?"
The bird said, "You know."
Courtesy: http://www.ajokeaday.com

   
--Three men were discussing at a bar about coincidences.
The first man said, " my wife was reading a "tale of two cities"
and she gave birth to twins"
"Thatís funny", the second man remarked, "my wife was reading 'the three musketeers'
and she gave birth to triplets"
The third man shouted, "Good God, I have to rush home!"
When asked what the problem was, he exclaimed, " When I left the house,
my wife was reading Ali baba and the forty Thieves"!!!
Courtesy: http://www.ajokeaday.com
   
--Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
Customer: "Ok."
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"
Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote click'."
Courtesy: http://www.ajokeaday.com
   
--Jim and Mary were both patients in a Mental Hospital. One day while they were
walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end.
He sank to the bottom and stayed there. Mary promptly jumped in to save him.
She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out.
When the medical director became aware of Mary's heroic act he immediately
ordered her to be discharged from the hospital as he now considered her to
be mentally stable. When he went to tell Mary the news he said,
"Mary, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged
because since you were able to jump in and save the life of another patient,
I think you've regained your senses. The bad news is Jim, the patient you saved,
hung himself with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom. I am so sorry, but he's dead."
Mary replied, "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry."
Courtesy: http://www.ajokeaday.com
   
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

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